note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
