Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
