like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We need a shit load of segways right now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
