my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
