Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Pants are for mortals
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
