Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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