PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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