Having a random hookup so left but love u
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
