Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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