I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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