lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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