dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
