strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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