Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
