I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
