I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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