I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
