I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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