Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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