I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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