Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
