I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize