When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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