how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
