Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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