You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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