I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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