Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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