just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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