he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
