You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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