He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
