Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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