That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
