I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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