Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
