just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
