the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
