So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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