We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
