How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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