So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
