I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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