I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My feet surprised me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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