I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
