We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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