Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
