Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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