it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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