eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Pooping to opera.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
