i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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