I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
