wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
