Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
