holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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