don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
