i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
