Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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