Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it because I queefed?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
