I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
