your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
