I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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