I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
