Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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