i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
