'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
